Sudden awareness to existence


This sudden rush of awareness to my own existence happens to me from time to time and each episode last only for a few seconds to about 2 minutes. When this happens, it feels as though I was just born and awoke to realize I exist. And a billion questions that I can’t yet name just overwhelms my brain, and all I can really focus on is WHY?!!!

It’s that frightening realization of your own existence and the world around you; a moment of clarity that you know nothing of your own existence including the world. It’s almost as if you have been just detached from the lies that have been your whole life. And then you ask yourself, what is this place? What is this all about? Why am I here? Why do I exist? Where and how did these all began? I have asked these questions even in my normal state, but it is different when I am in this state of sudden awareness to existence because I actually feel the magnitude of these questions.

This same emotion makes you believe that there is more to this existence than what you have known. It’s so frightening, your brain, could not handle it, so it tries to snap you back to being normal again. A part of you tries to fight back as though you are so close to receiving a forbidden knowledge. But your brain wins and that is when it all ends and you feel comforted again.

I have attempted to describe this feeling to many people but I am still yet to come up with a better and accurate description. Only those who have experience this would know what I’m talking about, they are very few and I have yet to meet one in person.

In my attempt to understand this phenomenon, I have realized many things. One is that our day to day lives consist of only one thing, and that is processing and reacting to stimulus. Like a programmed robot, we do what we do. We move and act based on our surroundings, in turn our acts makes others do what they do, which creates a world that impacts us back that we react to again. And this cycle continues infinitely, until that moment of sudden awareness that makes you stop and be baffled by all of these. This creates a conflict in your brain because it seems as though, by design, you are not supposed to stop reacting and not supposed to analyze this great cycle.

Is there really more to this existence or are we merely a complex biological robotic computing machine? Within the vast Uni/Multi-verse that we are yet to understand, we exist. Why? In that moment of sudden awareness to existence, you ask yourself, how can you and anyone continue living without understanding this robotic cycle within the frightening unknown?

This emotion and state of mind will last only for a few seconds, and it is as though your brain activates its natural self-preservation mode, you snap back into the normal state and join this seemingly unbreakable infinite cycle again. And you’re back to normal.

You ask me how I became a madman. It happened thus: One day, long before many gods were born, I woke from a deep sleep and found all my masks were stolen — the seven masks I have fashioned and worn in seven lives — I ran maskless through the crowded streets shouting, “Thieves, thieves, the cursed thieves.” [...] For the first time the sun kissed my own naked face and my soul was inflamed with love for the sun, and I wanted my masks no more. And as if in a trance I cried, “Blessed, blessed are the thieves who stole my masks.” Thus I became a madman.
- Kahlil Gibran
Wherefore he saith, Awake thou that sleepest, and arise from the dead, and Christ shall give thee light.
- Ephesians 5:14

2 thoughts on “Sudden awareness to existence

  1. Hi Andrew, wow, I’m amazed the date of your comment is so synchronized 11 11, 2013 @ 11:11. LOL. I’m happy to hear another person tell me that they had this experience. I attempted to describe the experience but my blog post just got too long and still wasn’t able to accurately describe it. Only people like you who had this experience know what I’m talking about. Yeah I believe that this can be explained scientifically. I too had that experience looking at myself in the mirror. I think it’s because for the most part of our existence we are just responding to our environment and outside stimuli. All we do every minute of our lives is respond, then one day, almost like it’s a glitch to this system, we cease to respond and then we TRULY realize our own existence. LOL. The more I try to explain it, the more that it seems to not make sense…LOL. This expression could probably better describe it. You just one day stop and say… “What the flock, Holy Shit, I exist!”

    Let me know too if you find any better explanations regarding this phenomenon. Thanks again for dropping in a comment.

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