Saang mundo

Pag-ibig ng aking kamusmusan
Nilimot, inalis sa isipan
Maraming taon na ang lumipas
Nakatagong damdamin ‘di kumukupas

Una pa lang kitang makita
Alam kong mahal na kita
Ngunit nasa iba ang iyong pansin
Kaya damdamin ko’y kinimkim

Isang gabing puso’y hinagupit
Ako’y lumuha, saksi ang langit
Lihim na pag-ibig, itinago ko
Nagpanggap na puso ko’y bato

Maraming taon ang lumipas
Puso ko’y pinagtibay, pinalakas
Sabi ko, hindi na ako gaya ng dati
Walang sino man sa aki’y maka-aapi

Tatlong dekada at ikaw ay muling bumalik
Ngayon ay laman ka na naman ng puso at isip
Sa isang sulyap lang sa iyong imahe
Gaya ng dati, lutang na naman ako sa ere

Windang na animo’y batang muli
Hindi mapakali, kinakausap ang sarili
Natatakot sa mga mangyayari
Dapat ba akong magsisi?

Muling nagbalik ang kirot sa aking puso
Dahil mula noon, hanggang ngayon
Sa nagdaang maraming taon
Ikaw pa rin ang mahal

Saang mundo ba maaaring maging tayo?
Sabihin mo at pupunta ako.
Pupunta ako ng walang pag-aalinlangan
Kahit ako’y muli pang masaktan

Paulit-ulit kitang mamahalin
Sa puso at isip mananatili ka sa akin
Noon, ngayon at bukas
Damdamin sayo’y hindi magwawakas

The Indomitable Spirit: A moment in November 1999

The journey back to Manila from the province of Bicol stretched over nine grueling hours—a relentless road winding through endless darkness, carrying my weary body deeper into exhaustion. Every bump on the highway seemed to press the fatigue further into my bones. By the time I arrived, I was a vessel emptied of strength, but there was no respite waiting for me. Instead, a storm loomed on the horizon, its gathering winds and rain a vivid reflection of the turmoil within my soul—a tempest echoing my fractured thoughts in a chaotic world. Continue reading

The Twig and the Boy (Ang Suwi at ang Binatilyo)

I can’t sing
And even if I can, I don’t have the right words
And if I have the right words
Would you hear it?

I can’t paint
And even if I can, I don’t have the right colors
And if I have the right colors
Would you see it?

If I can express this emotion
That the person inside me feel for you
Would the person inside you feel it?

How can one put into words
Or find the right melody
Or even draw on a paper
The intricacies
Of a bitter-sweet, one sided memory?
Using statements that only serve to misrepresent
Adjectives at best only approximate
Of undying emotions, flavored by the present
From a time long gone

Like a tree telling a story
Of pains, secrets and splendor of what once was
And a man who only remembers the twig
And the tree who only remembers the boy

You, are not who you were
I, am not who I was
Yet who we were, once was
Now, live in solitude, locked up inside us
And though desperately trying to reach out for one another

They will never meet again

And for their story, let this be my final plea:

That though we remember separately
And hear but echoes of what used to be,
Together, the you and I of today…
Let’s honor in friendship’s new light
The beauty of all that once felt right

And when the time comes
With my last breath
I would have but one last prayer
That when we are both no more
That the universe remembers for us
And piece together, what we could not

The memory of the tree and the man
The twig and the boy
You and I, who were, once was