The Boy I Forgot to Remember

When someone asks me, “Who was your first kiss?” my mind goes blank. A high school classmate, maybe? Someone I’ve long since forgotten.

When they ask, “Who was your first boyfriend?” I can barely piece together an answer. There’s a hazy outline—a boy who was supposed to be devastatingly handsome, stolen away by my cousin. But I can’t see his face. Can’t recall his name. Can’t remember anything about us. He must have meant nothing to me, I always reasoned. After all, how could I forget someone who truly mattered?

When they ask, “Who was your first love?” I’ve always answered: Fred. The man I met in Monumento, Caloocan in 1999. That’s where my story began—or so I believed.

But I had no idea how much I’d buried. How many memories lay hidden beneath the surface, locked away for three decades. Waiting.
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Saang mundo

Pag-ibig ng aking kamusmusan
Nilimot, inalis sa isipan
Maraming taon na ang lumipas
Nakatagong damdamin ‘di kumukupas

Una pa lang kitang makita
Alam kong mahal na kita
Ngunit nasa iba ang iyong pansin
Kaya damdamin ko’y kinimkim

Isang gabing puso’y hinagupit
Ako’y lumuha, saksi ang langit
Lihim na pag-ibig, itinago ko
Nagpanggap na puso ko’y bato

Maraming taon ang lumipas
Puso ko’y pinagtibay, pinalakas
Sabi ko, hindi na ako gaya ng dati
Walang sino man sa aki’y maka-aapi

Tatlong dekada at ikaw ay muling bumalik
Ngayon ay laman ka na naman ng puso at isip
Sa isang sulyap lang sa iyong imahe
Gaya ng dati, lutang na naman ako sa ere

Windang na animo’y batang muli
Hindi mapakali, kinakausap ang sarili
Natatakot sa mga mangyayari
Dapat ba akong magsisi?

Muling nagbalik ang kirot sa aking puso
Dahil mula noon, hanggang ngayon
Sa nagdaang maraming taon
Ikaw pa rin ang mahal

Saang mundo ba maaaring maging tayo?
Sabihin mo at pupunta ako.
Pupunta ako ng walang pag-aalinlangan
Kahit ako’y muli pang masaktan

Paulit-ulit kitang mamahalin
Sa puso at isip mananatili ka sa akin
Noon, ngayon at bukas
Damdamin sayo’y hindi magwawakas